FAQs 2017-04-11T12:14:09+00:00

IMAGO RELATIONSHIP COUNSELLING: FAQ’s

Can we write or call with other questions? 2017-04-11T12:14:10+00:00

Of course.  Feel free to call or email any other questions that you might have.

How long have you been doing these workshops? 2016-04-18T03:03:10+00:00

We have been facilitating these workshops since 1999, and present at least seven workshops each year.

Who attends these workshops? Do you need to be married? Could I attend alone? 2017-08-18T14:17:06+00:00

These workshops are designed for couples who are in an intimate, committed partnership.  Marriage is not a pre-requistie.  However, if you wish to attend and you are single, you would need to attend with a friend, colleague or family member with whom you feel comfortable with.  We would prefer that this person not be in a long term relationship themselves, as we would like couples to experience this together.

Are the skills learned in this workshop useful outside the relationship itself?  2016-04-18T03:02:10+00:00

Many participants have later told us of the benefits experienced when applying dialogical skills in friendship, business, with wider family groups and particularly with parenting. We ourselves have found that these processes are part of our everyday relating in all aspects of our lives, and it has been hugely beneficial in relating with our children.

Do couples who attend a workshop still need ongoing support afterwards? 2017-08-18T14:19:50+00:00

We see that the Workshop plus counselling is a particularly helpful combination.  However, for some couples the workshop in itself gives them what they are looking for.  For others, particularly for those who are in serious difficulty or contemplating separation, follow-up sessions are definitely recommended. If this is the case, the workshop gives a wonderful jumpstart, but will probably not be in itself enough over the long term. Many couples who attend the workshop pursue couples sessions.  The workshop provides deep exposure to the theory, philosophy and practice of Imago Therapy.  Integrating the process taught often requires further coaching and support.

 Is the workshop applicable to same sex/LGBTQIA couples? 2017-08-18T14:21:42+00:00

Imago therapy applies to all couples, regardless of sexual orientation, ethnic or racial background, religion, personal history, or level of education. Our experience is that all couples face similar issues, though those within the LGBTQIA comunities often have extra issues due to social and cultural factors.  , When LGBTQIA couples have attended our workshops they say that it is a good experience for them and we certainly welcome you.

Will this  workshop save my relationship? 2017-08-18T14:23:44+00:00

We can’t say that the workshop will save your relationship.  However, many if not most couples do experience significant changes which result in better communication and a more fulfilling relationship.  When conflict is long standing couples frequently need to have follow-on counselling in order to integrate the work from the workshop, and to receive further direction and guidance to stay in the process. However, the workshop provides an important and often essential foundation on which to build the platform for counselling, and for your future relationship.  In those circumstances where couples do decide to separate following the workshop, they report increased understanding, a more amicable separation, and the ability to work well together in their co-parenting relationship.

 I really want to come to a workshop.  My partner is reluctant. Can we benefit if both of us aren’t enthusiastic? 2016-04-18T02:59:12+00:00

Absolutely. It is common for one partner to be more reluctant than the other. We are often amazed at how enthusiastic both partners are at the end of a workshop. Attitudes can and do change over the weekend, and our reviews on completion of the workshop tend to be excellent, even from those who were reluctant and/or cynical at the beginning.

 I’d like to go to a workshop but I’m a very private person and I’d be embarrassed talking in a group.  Are we asked to reveal our private issues and concerns in the workshop? 2017-08-18T14:23:16+00:00

The workshop is set up so that you do not have to talk publicly at any time, either in small groups or in the large group.  We do ask for couples to assist us in demonstrating the processes we are teaching, and couples who feel comfortable with this elect to do so.  No pressure is placed on anyone to share or reveal personal concerns or issues.  The workshop is mostly an educational experience.  You practice new skills alone with your partner and your issues are completely private.

I don’t/My partner doesn’t think any of our problems relate back to childhood. We understand this is a core part of Imago therapy. Can we still benefit from the workshop? 2017-08-18T14:25:05+00:00

Yes you can still benefit.   The connections between our current frustrations and conflict, and our childhood experience, is not clear to many people.  Imago theory doe

s suggest that we unconsciously connect the two.  However, this is simply a theory or idea which assists in making sense of the current situation, and Imago processes will work when used consistently, with or without a belief in the link between adult relationship issues and childhood.

We have waited so long and it’s got so difficult.  Is it too late for us? 2016-04-18T02:58:05+00:00

We don’t think it’s ever too late to learn the real cause of your problems.  You will learn key concepts that replace the pain of a difficult relationship with knowledge, skill and hope.  Whether you ultimately decide to stay together to use your new tools to heal and grow or go your separate ways, what you learn in the weekend will alter the way you view your relationships.  And if you are parents, we believe the skills you learn in the workshop will be of a great benefit to your relating with your children.

My relationship is falling apart and I don’t even know if I want to stay together. Why would I attend the workshop? Isn’t it only for couples who want to improve their relationship? 2016-04-18T02:57:35+00:00

Isn’t it only for couples who want to improve their relationship? The workshop has a good track record of helping couples experience their partners and their relationships more positively.  Many couples find hope for the future because they have experienced relating in a new, safer way during the weekend.  If you are currently in a committed relationship, even if it is very shaky, we do recommend that you come to the workshop.  The least that you can expect as a result of the workshop is clarity about what you and your partner should do.  Many couples find new hope and optimism as a result of what they learn at the workshop.  Occasionally they discover that there has been too much pain and they decide to end the relationship.  Even if that is your decision, Imago therapy provides a framework in which you can respectfully say good-bye.  This is especially important if you have children that you will be co-parenting.

It will also give you essential information about yourself to take into your next relationship, enabling understanding of how you co-created the current relationship, so that you can take that understanding with you rather than continue to create similarly painful experiences.  But for the most part, the majority of couples leave the workshop with new energy, tools and hope for the future.  Many couples who have been separated attend the workshop and find their way back into relationship.

I’m in therapy with a therapist working from a different modality. Would the workshop still be useful? 2017-08-18T14:26:05+00:00

Yes, we find that the workshop is useful for those who are working with therapists using different modalities.  If you are currently in a coaching or therapeutic relationship, it would be wise to discuss your attendance with your practitioner.  They will be in the best place to assist you after the workshop for any follow-up.  We would also be available to consult with your therapist about the processes taught at the workshop if you and they would like that.

Do I have to have read Harville Hendrix’s books in order to take a workshop? 2017-04-11T12:14:10+00:00

There are no prerequisites for attending the Workshop.  Some attendees have done a lot of reading, personal work and personal growth; others very little.  If you have time, we do recommend you read “Getting the Love You Want” either before the Workshop, or afterwards.

How do I know if it will be a good investment financially? 2017-08-18T14:28:01+00:00

We invest in our cars to ensure that they keep working; but somehow believe that investing financially in our relationship is unnecessary.  Relationship breakdown has huge financial cost, and healthy relationships require time, energy and an understanding of relationship dynamics, along with the skills to relate well with one another.  Yet we are not taught how to resolve relationship issues and often believe we should be able to work through these issues ourselves. We will let the excerpt below speak to this.

The Listener, Feb 12 – 18, 2005, had this to say on Page 17:

“If there is one point on which economists, financial brokers, budget advisers and sundry experts agree, it is on the single best investment to ensure sufficient savings, an investment better than NZX shares, unit trusts or equity funds, virtually money in the bank . . . . Relationship Counselling.  It sounds flippant, but it isn’t.

The biggest cause of financial impoverishment for the mid-lifers saving for retirement is divorce and separation, say the Listener experts . . . . . . . perhaps an investment in making a relationship work is the best saving any pre-retiree can make.”

If you need to do the workshop and can not afford it, then please contact us.  We are hoping to make scholarships available shortly, and in the meantime are open to finding ways to make it work for you.

Which is better, attending a workshop or going to weekly sessions with an Imago coach/therapist? 2017-08-18T14:28:52+00:00

Though each provides a different experience, we generally recommend attending a workshop as soon as possible because it provides an overview and some practice of all the Imago ideas and skills.  If you are not sure that this is the right approach for you, then please speak to one of us about this.  It is our experience that the workshop can save you time and money in the office, and give you a solid foundation for your individual couples work. The workshop experience has been demonstrated to achieve results comparable to 3-6months of weekly therapy. As such, it is extremely cost efficient. It provides a solid psycho-educational foundation to the personalised work that you and your partner then have an opportunity to integrate within relationship therapy. We also find that a shift can occur within the framework of the workshop that is very difficult to achieve in individual couples work, which can mean that the work with an individual coach is then a lot more efficient and effective.

However, we also recommend that if a workshop is not scheduled soon or you are unable to make the next time, you begin ongoing sessions. Also, some couples want to try out a few sessions before committing to the Workshop, and that’s fine. We would be happy to discuss your particular situation with you individually to ensure optimum use of your time and resources.